The big Chili Debate

[jason]

Some like beans, some do not. Some use ground meat, some use chunks of meat. So, how do you like yours?

[CozInCowtown]

Y'all aughta try my "World Famous Intestinal Express Chili".
Twice as good for an assorted number of reasons.

[Tubby]

That's what we call Slider Chili for exactly the same reason. If you have a certain problem on you "sitter" , it cauterizes them too. We love chili and can't wait until it's chili weather.

[Camoguy]

Mmmmmm chili! With pimento cheese sandwiches or peanut butter sandwiches! I love chili especially at this time of the year. We have a local chili cook off that we usually attend. They have teams that will compete to win the title of best chili. It's a serious competition too. They also have all kinds of chili that vendors set up and sell. It's wonderful!

[oldsarge]

Chili Cook Off

Judge #3 (Frank) was an inexperienced Chili taster named Frank, who was visiting from Springfield, IL.

Frank: "Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking for directions to the Coors Light truck, when the call came in. I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy and besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted."


Here are the scorecard notes from the event:

CHILI # 1 - MIKE'S MANIAC MONSTER CHILI...

Judge # 1 -
A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.

Judge # 2 -
Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.

Judge # 3 - (Frank) -
Holy $@#&!! What the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy.

CHILI # 2 - AUSTIN'S AFTERBURNER CHILI..
Judge # 1 -
Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.

Judge # 2 -
Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.

Judge # 3 - (Frank) -
Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.

CHILI # 3 - FRED'S FAMOUS BURN DOWN THE BARN CHILI...

Judge # 1 -
Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick.

Judge # 2 -
A bit salty, good use of peppers.

Judge # 3 - (Frank) -
Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting $@#&faced from all the beer.

CHILI # 4- BUBBA'S BLACK MAGIC...

Judge # 1 -
Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.

Judge # 2 -
Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili.

Judge # 3 - (Frank) -
I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the beer maid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. That 300-Lb woman is starting to look HOT...just like this nuclear waste I'm eating! Is chili an aphrodisiac?

CHILI # 5- LISA'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER...

Judge # 1 -
Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.

Judge # 2 -
Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.

Judge # 3 - (Frank) -
My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off. It really pisses me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Screw those rednecks.

CHILI # 6- VERA'S VERY VEGETARIAN VARIETY...

Judge # 1 -
Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spices and peppers.

Judge # 2 -
The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. Superb.

Judge # 3 - (Frank) -
My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric flames. I $@#& on myself when I farted and I'm worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that Sally. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my ass with a snow cone.

CHILI # 7- SUSAN'S SCREAMING SENSATION CHILI...

Judge # 1 -
A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.

Judge # 2 -
Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. **I should take note that I am worried about Judge # 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably.

Judge # 3 - (Frank) -
You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava to
match my shirt. At least during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing it's too painful. Screw it; I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.

CHILI # 8- BIG TOM'S TOENAIL CURLING CHILI..

Judge # 1 -
The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.

Judge # 2 -
This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge # 3 farted, passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor feller, wonder how he'd have reacted to really hot chili?

Judge # 3 - (Frank) -
No Report

[oldsarge]

So far there's 81.82% of people who took this survey I don't want to share a tent with!

[dinosaur]

I haven't answered this poll because I like chili all of those ways. I do prefer it with beans because you get fiber, and music after you eat. I've made chili with hamburger, stew meat, raccoon, groundhog, roast pork, fox, and various birds. It's all good.

I like fresh tomatoes in my chili. A good trick is to pour in a half can of beer while cooking. It takes the acid out of the tomato and thereby sweetens the chili. That, of course is before adding the hot sauce. A good combination of habanero and jalapeno is most to my liking.

[yogismo]

I adopted this recipe and made it my own:

Dorene Ritchey's 5-R Chili

2 pounds Cubed or coarsely ground boneless, trimmed beef (chuck or shoulder arm preferred)
1 tablespoon Vegetable shortening
1-½ teaspoon Hot sauce
8 oz. Tomato sauce
2 Beef bullion cubes
2 Jalapeño peppers, skin surface slit
6 tablespoons Chili powder (or to taste)
4 teaspoons Ground cumin
1 tablespoon Onion powder
1 teaspoon Garlic powder
½ teaspoon Salt
½ teaspoon White pepper
3/8 teaspoon Cayenne
¼ teaspoon Oregano
1/8 teaspoon Crushed bay leaf
Cook meat over medium heat in melted shortening until meat is gray in color. Add hot sauce, tomato sauce, bullion cubes, 1 jalapeño and water to cover. Simmer, covered, 40 to 60 minutes, stirring occasionally. Add water if needed. When jalapeño is soft, squeeze in juice and discard pulp and seeds.

Mix together chili powder, cumin, onion, garlic, salt, white pepper, cayenne, oregano and bay leaf; divide into 3 portions. Add one portion spice mixture and remaining jalapeño. Continue to cook for one hour adding water as needed. Remove jalapeño, squeeze juice into chili and discard pulp and seeds. Add second portion of spice mixture. Continue cooking for another 30 minutes, adding water if needed. Add remaining spice mixture and cook 15 minutes more. (Chili should be kept thick during cooking. Adding too much water keeps the spices from permeating the meat.)



I add a little more cayenne, and about 15 mins before it's done i stir in some brown sugar to cut the heat a little. It's almost too god.

[jason]

So I made chili on the Big Green Egg Monday in my dutch oven. I worked off of Alton Brown's recipe, but added some ghost peppers, and a few other peppers. Got some great reviews. The problem is the ghost peppers blend in and I did not take them out. My first bowl had two of them. One I caught the other I did not.

But it was nice and spicy, and everyone loved it, even though some mixed in my mild chili from the crockpot. I was thinking about having a chili cook off this winter.

[RoyalAmbassador]

Ah!!!! Isn't it great a chill in the air and chili in the pot life is good!