The first time alone...

[Northern Dancer]

I remember saying to myself, "You are not going out there alone until you have the fear factor under control." What fear factor? I'm an adult male and I'm not afraid of anything. Really? Those unexplained creepy sounds in the night, those noises around the tent that sounds like someone is encircling you? What about the pitch blackness in the middle of a ferocious head storm manifesting itself by winds of unusual force and direction, accompanied by rain, snow, hail, thunder, and lightning, or flying sand or dust? And what about the silence when the only other human force you hear is your own? Yep - and then there are those thoughts that a maniac with a Bowie knife is out there hiding behind a tree just waiting for you to fall asleep. Black bears become Grizzly bears and mice become mountain lions and tiny fears become monstrous. What to do what to do?

When in doubt you take a course. I took time out one evening a week for seven weeks to take a course on "Managing Your Fears" when you solo camp/canoe. Besides all the standard stuff like taking care of yourself, planning, safety training, area selection, we spent the bulk of our time learning how to manage the mind; more especially those random thoughts that come into our thinking to frighten us. So we spent time tackling each sound and fear that might arise. We learned how to identify the sounds of the night and day. We were taught exercises to manage our fears and learn how to prepare ourselves to be alone.

It worked. I've used the techniques and have taught them to others. I came to the realization that I'm okay to be with me - I can actually enjoy my own company and to be one's self - even when alone.

 

[Grandpa]

I've never had that fear factor. Even when I've really been in trouble I was too stupid to realize it. Whether alone or with another, i always managed to stay calm. I think it was because I was taught early in life. Living on a remote mountain ranch, taught by an experienced father and two older brothers, I was riding horses, camping, and general free ranging from the age of three.

I've been trapped by sudden snow storms at high elevations where the only option was to hunker down and wait it out. I've had bears sniffing the side of the tent, I've had to cross raging spring runoff creeks, and I've got my self trapped in huge boulder fields hopping from rock to rock where a slip would have been fatal.

More than once my faithful lab, Tank, gave me that "are you stupid?" look but he always followed along. I chalk it all up to a lot of training, a lot of stupid, and a lot of confidence in what I was capable of. But, I enjoyed every moment of it all.

 

[ppine]

When you have fear you are just proving that you are human and have good sense. The key is to overcome your fear, which you have learned how to do. I have spent time in the outdoors with people with no fear. I only go on one trip with them. Running rivers is the perfect example. Some people don't like scouting rapids, they just want to "go for it." That is how you get dead.

Now that I am old and scary I spend plenty of time hiking and camping alone. I don't like the idea of backpacking alone anymore. I used to do it a lot. We hope we grow some brains as we get older. In the words of Teddy Roosevelt "Hasten forward."

 

[Northern Dancer]

...great stuff guys. As I said, you should be writing articles for some magazine. When I look back it doesn't take long to draw from the memory banks some incredible dumbness I did. But alas - it was about growing up...or is that what we mean by maturing? Did I ever tell you the time I took senior camp for a leisurely hike and somehow we managed to disturb a gigantic yellow jacket nest? Now that is what you call a stinging experience.

 

[Roybrew]

Aw come on Dancer... Everyone knows Baden Bear fights off the night time monsters. Ha.

I do enjoy a few moments at night when the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. That's when I feel really stupid when I jump out of the tent with a hatchet ready for action only to confront..... Nothing. Got to stay on your toes. Wow that is fun!

 

[Northern Dancer]

It's hard to believe but "Baden Bear" is really a coward at heart and would be the first to jump under the bed at the sign of trouble.

__________________________________________________________________________________________

For those of you who are not familiar with Baden Bear -
he is my very large imaginary talking brown bear
who often accompanies me on longer
canoe/camp trips.
[...especially if there are children and youth present.]
_______________________________________________________
​

...let's not go there.

​

 

[ppine]

Testosterone overcomes a lot of fear. I don't remember having much fear when I was younger. Even in close bear encounters and swimming bad rapids.

Now I definitely have some fear. But I will never stop going out there.

 

[Northern Dancer]

...I see your point "ppine" - we simply exchange old fears for new fears. Oh, right, you didn't say that. You didn't have fears of any consequence but you do now. Something like that...

It is true, when we were younger we had a sense of being invulnerable and on occasion would make efforts to prove it. Just as well. For had we allowed our fears to overtake us when we were younger we would never have reached the levels of success we enjoy today. Something like that...

 

[ppine]

I spend time alone every day pretty much walking in the desert behind the house. I have been thinking about the post I made earlier. It falls in the "the older we get, the better we were" category. When I think hard about working in Alaska the first few times at the age of 30, I had fear. Fear of flying helicopters in the fog, working around bears all the time and working in a remote wilderness with 150 inches of rain.

When we were young we tried to prove ourselves, I cared about what other people thought, I wanted to be accepted. So I overcame my fear and did all kinds of dangerous things. But the fear was always there. When you lose your fear, is when you are really the most vulnerable to having something bad happen. Fear protects us. It can also paralyze us. The way you react to it is mostly in your head. With experience comes judgment.

 

[Northern Dancer]

I call it more genuine respect for fear that is learned through experience. There are times and situations that bravado doesn't cut it. I don't make an effort to impress anyone anymore, certainly not like I use to. Interestingly enough there are younger guys who feel the need to prove themselves to me. I always questioned that. I'm not suggesting that I have arrived, or anything like that, but I have learned to accept myself and be a tad gentler. As someone said, "Sometimes the worst place you can be is in your own head."

I always enjoy what you have to say and look forward to reading your posts.

 

[ppine]

Posting anything on the internet is risky. Especially honest emotions that have shaped our lives.
Running into one person like Northern Dancer makes up for about 40 jerks.
Thanks for being such a positive influence.

 

[Northern Dancer]

...the reality is, I also have high regard for you.

 

[ppine]

"Sometimes the worst place you can be, is in your own head."
We all spend a lot of time in there, so it is imperative that we learn to like ourselves and become comfortable in our own skin.

As a retired guy at 70, a lot of my friends are kind of old and tired. Or they cancel because the the weather is not perfect. Many of my best friends still work in their 60s because they love their jobs, believe it or not. That means a lot of trips with just me and my dog Ruby Begonia. We hike in the desert behind the house nearly every day. It is a form of meditation. A dog can be the perfect amount of company.

Due to the virus, I am learning to be home all the time which is a new experience. I live in my own head more than ever before, but I like it in here.

 

[Northern Dancer]

...admittedly, the virus has abruptly taken over a lot of life. I'm fortunate in that I'm still working, though part-time. So I was thinking earlier today that I need to employ my time better. At the moment I'm seriously exploring taking a diploma course. I figure I could utilize my time in a more constructive way at the same time not overburden myself should things go back to normal?

It's got to be fabulous to walk out and walk on and hike into the desert. One of my bad decisions was to move into town. I miss terribly the semi country style that I enjoyed. The Grand River is just a thirty-minute hike from my location and I do walk the riverside trails.

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Pedestrian Bridge at Night

 

[Roybrew]

I have a very boring, repetitive job that I've been doing for the past 13 years. I have lots of conversations with myself. I keep reading material and notebook close at hand. Even if I only have 15 seconds between cycle times I'll read a little or jot down notes and/or measurements for projects, or camping ideas. Google maps is great because I can go places, even if it's only virtual. [emoji2957]. It pays the bills.

 

[Northern Dancer]

I've learned that mundane episodes of life and those boring times when not much seems to be happening are the very things I crave when everything goes wrong. These stages often prepare us for greater events in life or are stepping stones to new adventure. You are wise to enhance your experience with seasoning, it makes things more tolerable.

By the Campfire​

We sat around the campfire
on a chilly night
telling spooky stories
in the pale moonlight
then we added some more logs,
and sang some favorite camp songs
together with all our might.
And when the fire flickered
and embers began to form.
We snuggled in our sleeping bags
all cozy, tired, and warm.

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