Two Eskimos

dinosaur

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Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
 

jason

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Cute. I thought you were going to talk about the Eskimo's that were found floating in the water alive after several hours. Something that would have killed someone like me.
 

oldsarge

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Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
Good one!

How about the two snowmen standing in the field. One says to the other..."You smell carots?'
 

dinosaur

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Funny, Sarge.

Did you hear about the buddhist who refused novacain during root canal? His goal:
TRANSCEND DENTAL MEDICATION.
 

oldsarge

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Thomas Edison was a very generous and philanthropic man. After he perfected the light bulb he toured the United States displaying his invention. While in the West he stopped at an Indian reservation and was appalled at the deplorable conditions. Being the very generous and philanthropic man that he was, he decided to do something to alleviate the plight of the Indians.

And in a moment of PR genius he decided to install his new invention in all the Indian's outhouses. From that day on, Thomas Edison was also known as:

The first man to wire a head for a reservation.
 

Pepsigal

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Thanks for the chuckle. I have been having a bad week so far so it was nice to come in a have a good laugh instead.
 

Grandpa

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Yeah and I still got my great grandpa's axe that cut the logs for the first cabin here. But it has had 7 new handles and 3 new heads since then.
 

Bob

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Do you know where the headlights are on a submarine? Yes, submarines DO have headlights! They're in the HEAD, silly!
 

oldsarge

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Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain man, was drafted by the Army. On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb. That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair. On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush. That afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth. On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap. The Army has been looking for Herman for 51 years.
 

oldsarge

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I just got off the phone with friend living in northern North Dakota near the Canadian border.

He said that since early this morning the snow has been nearly waist high and is still falling.

The temperature is dropping way below zero and the north wind is increasing to near gale force.

His wife has done nothing but look through the kitchen window and just stare.

He says that if it gets much worse, he may have to let her in.
 

FreshAirLover

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Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
Good one. I have an Eskimo joke I've been meaning to share for some time, but didn't have a chance so far...


There were three Eskimos in Alaska, and one time while they were at their local bar, they got to talking about how cold it was outside, and how cold their igloos were. They could agree on everything but whose igloo was the coldest, so they decided to determine who indeed had the coldest igloo.
They went to the first Eskimo's igloo, where he said "Watch this!" and poured a cup of water into the air. Well, the water froze in mid-air and fell onto the floor solid.
"Not bad", said the other Eskimos, but each maintained their igloo was colder still.
So they went to the second Eskimo's igloo, and he said "Watch this!" and took a big breath and exhaled, whereupon his breath froze into a big lump and fell to the floor.
"Wow, that's colder than mine!" said the first Eskimo.
But the third Eskimo exclaimed his was colder still. So they ended up at the third Eskimo's igloo.
He said "Watch this!" and went into the bedroom, threw back the thick furs, and retrieved one of several small balls of ice there. He took it, put it in a spoon, and held a match under it. When it heated up enough, it went "FFFAAAARRRRTTT".
 

oldsarge

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A city slicker who owned a liquor store was fed up with his way of life. So he decided to move to Alaska, out in the wilderness to spend his days in peace and quiet.
Once he gets out in the wilderness and settled in into his cabin, he's there for about 3 months and doesn't see a soul.
Then one day out of the blue, there's a knock on his door. He opens it to see a rather large burley individual in full beard. The guy introduces himself as his neighbor about 30 miles away and wanted to welcome the city slicker to the area. Then proceeded to invite him to a party that Friday night at his cabin.
The city slicker said "Ya sure, that would be great"
The guy guys starts to walk away then turns and says "By the way, there's gonna be some drinkin go'in on, you like to drink don't ya?"
City slicker says "Oh ya I used to own a liquor store and can hold my own when it comes to drinking".
Guy say's " Oh ya, also most likely gonna be some fight'n go'in on too"
No problem say the sity slicker. "I'm from the city, seen my fair share of that too".
The guy startes to walk away again , then turns and say's, " How you feel about sex? Most likely there will be some sex go'in on too"
The city sliker say "I'm cool with that too my friend, I'll be seeing you Friday. By the way what should I wear.
The guy says "Doesn't matter too much, It's just gonna be the two of us"!
 

Benny

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Yeah, Herman! I wouldn't take any chances, either. Good thing he was a mountain man! I've probably run into him once or twice during my travels...
 

oldsarge

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A little silver-haired lady calls her neighbor and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get started."

Her neighbor asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"

The little silver haired lady says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster."

Her neighbor decides to go over and help with the puzzle.

She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.

He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster."

He takes her hand and says, "Secondly, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then," he said with a deep sigh.

"Let's put all the Corn Flakes back in the box."
 

oldsarge

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Two fellows from Tennessee are out hunting, and as they are walking along they come upon a huge hole in the ground. They approach it and are amazed by the size of it.

The first hunter says, "Wow, that's some hole; I can't even see the bottom. I wonder how deep it is."

The second hunter says," I don't know, let's throw something down and listen and see how long it takes to hit bottom."

The first hunter says, "There's this old automobile transmission here, give me a hand and we'll throw it in and see". So they pick it up and carry it over, and count one, and two and three, and throw it in the hole.

They are standing there listening and looking over the edge and they hear a rustling in the brush behind them. As they turn around they see a goat come crashing through the brush, run up to the hole and with no hesitation, jump in head first.

While they are standing there looking at each other, looking in the hole and trying to figure out what that was all about, an old farmer walks up.

"Say there," says the farmer, "you fellers didn't happen to see my goat around here anywhere, did you?"

The first hunter says, " Funny you should ask, but we were just standing here a minute ago and a goat came running out of the bushes doin' about a hundred miles an hour and jumped headfirst into this hole here!"

The old farmer said, "That's impossible. I had him chained to a transmission!"
 
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